For the birds
by A.Cathlyn.C
Summary: The worst thing is that this ride took away your possibility to run from things… not only literally but also figuratively.
1. prologue

**"for the birds"**

**Disclaimer**: I unfortunately don't own House.

**Spoilers**: Nothing you don't already know. Maybe through season 6.

**A/N: **English is only my second language and this goes unbetaed.. so I'm really sorry for every mistake you'll find (I fear you'll find several of them) and please feel free to tell me about the mistakes I made.. I'll try to correct them.

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><p><strong>prologue<strong>

"Yeah, I know. His expression was priceless. He would have never expected the 'oh so nice' couple to talk operations while having dinner!" Your soft laugh fills the car when you think about the situation that happened some minutes ago.

Chase took you out for dinner and since it is your one year anniversary he chose a quiet fancy restaurant. While enjoying your dinner you discussed a guy who came to the ER last monday. He was diagnosed by House and his team and finally successfully operated only some hours ago. Of course this topic seemed to be normal for you but the disgusted expression of the elderly man at the next table told you differently – that was mortifying.

Replaying the whole evening in your head, you smile. It's a warm summer night. You chose a light dress and the wind plays with your blonde hair as Chase drives you through the night.

Satisfying the wish to be 'undisturbed' as he expressed it, he chose a location some miles away from Princeton and this ride back somehow makes the whole evening perfect.

You would have never thought you could be happy with Chase for such a long time. To be honest you had a rocky start but now life with him is more than you expected to have after your husband's death. You've surely had your difficulties and Chase put so much more effort in your relationship than you did at the beginning but with the time you got comfortable with this new relationship and the role you have in it.

You're entirely happy, you notice. Both, being head of the ER and your relationship satisfy you… it's just perfect. You smile when you notice how long it has taken you to realise that he's the right one for you.

As if heaving read your mind, Chase raises his voice. "You know… I would have never thought that we would celebrate this day. I mean… one year. That's quiet something. I've hoped, of course, and I've fought… but I couldn't be sure for such a long time. It took you so long to realise that we are supposed to be together, but Allison, I love you. I have always loved you, I love you and I will always love you.

You could mean that you got used to such admissions after one year of steady relationship, but you just don't. For one moment you fight back the tears –you're so lucky- before you smile and reply "I love you too, Robert." He gazes at you and smiles in return before he concentrates on the road, again.

You didn't notice that it got entirely dark outside. The stars on the sky are now replaced by dark clouds. "Close the window All. We're driving right into a thunderstorm. It might start to-" The rain hits you car before he has a chance to finish his sentence. You close your window as fast as possible and the rain crackles on the car.

You gaze at Chase and notice that he's now completely focused on the streets ahead. The sight is extremely restricted and you're glad that Chase is such a calm driver.

The rain gets worse every minute. You can make out a lightning in the distance and the dull mumble of the thunder reaches you some moments later.

The sight is now less than ten meters and you can barely see the trees that border the road. The headlights of the car grope through the additionally emerging dense fog and the windshield wipers work incessantly.

You notice Chase's frown. "We should get off this road. This is too dangerous. How far do we have to drive before we can stop and wait this out?" He doesn't take his gaze from the road while considering your questions. "There'll soon be a crossroad. A little later there's a small parking area. That should do it."

Hearing theses words spoken calmly and with his typical thick accent you nod. You've never been afraid of thunderstorms before and especially considering you're sitting in a Faraday cage, you're feeling safe. You observe this enormous natural spectacle. Lightning and thunder now follow each other immediately – the thunderstorm has to be directly over you.

Seeing the next lightning you gaze at Chase. He flinches lightly when the thunder follows but doesn't acknowledge this spectacle in any other way and remains calm what you're grateful for.

He slows the car further down and looks left and right. So you must have finally reached the crossroad he talked about. The other street seems to be empty. You can't make out any other headlights and Chase himself nods approvingly, too.

Soon you'll be at this parking area… with Chase in the car… alone in the darkness… You can already feel how the air thickens and your breath hitches in your throat. You smile in anticipation. But of course -as the world is cruel- you don't have too much time to think about this.

Suddenly everything is happening fast… too fast for your liking.

You hear a shocked scream as the next lightning illuminates the darkness and you see a car without any illumination nearing incredibly fast. It's as if you were seeing several short parts and pictures of a horror movie but weren't able to hide or look away.

You hear brakes squeaking, a scream that you don't even recognize as your own and the next thing you feel is the crash. The other car hits the passenger site of your car which starts to spin.

"Allison!" Chase's voice is just another impression… seems to be disconnected from everything else. "Allison!"

You don't feel anything – aren't you supposed to feel at least something? Anything? The doctor inside yourself tells you that it's only the shock and that right now you aren't supposed to feel anything at all. It would be too much for your body to cope with. But your feeling tells you otherwise: it definitely doesn't feel right… Far from it: it feels terribly wrong.

At any other moment you would maybe wonder how may different thoughts a human being can have in such a short amount of time but now you don't. Right now you just hold onto your seat as for dear life when the car spins and slips.

"Robert!" You hear someone calling his name but you don't recognize this someone as yourself before everything gets even darker and you pass out.


	2. chapter 1

**chapter 1**

Hell lies behind and in front of you; you're quite sure about that. Silent tears flow down your cheeks as you sit there, a blanket draped over your legs, and look out of the window. It is a typical evening near the end of the summer. The days are still warm but the weather changes fast and it begins to rain more regularly. Right now, the rain is pouring down and the people are hiding under their umbrellas, searching the easiest and fastest way to get inside, into the warmth.

It's slowly getting dark outside so it has to be something around eight o'clock in the evening. Chase is out during the shopping – something that has always been your business – and you're alone the first time since _that_ night.

So much has changed since then. It's only been eight days but still… your life will never be the same again. Everything will change now and although both, Chase and the doctors, told you that several things will change but surely not everything, you notice only now that they lied.

The way you get through your life will be entirely different. People will see you with different eyes. _Chase_ will see you with different eyes. You yourself need to accept that you can't be who you've been before and honestly, how is that supposed to be 'not everything'?

How are you supposed to work? How are you supposed to be a doctor? How are you supposed to be a lover? How are you supposed to be a friend? How are you supposed to be all this when you can't even do the shopping on your own?

Your sobs break the silence in the apartment and trying to calm yourself you close your eyes. What a stupid idea, you notice the next moment when the pictures in your head get clearer now that you can't visualize anything else anymore.

You see yourself laying in the hospital bed, the doctor telling you that they'll run some other tests. As a doctor you should have known that this wasn't a good sign. More tests usually meant it is something serious. This is something you should have learned within your time with House. You can't believe how blind you've been back then.

And how could the thing with the pain not wake you up so that your mind works probably? Usually feeling no pain is a good thing but after a car crash you're _supposed_ to feel pain. As you think about it know, as a doctor, you know that in this case, pain would have been a good thing – at least you would have known that you felt _something_. But seeing that you were a patient back at this point, you pushed this knowledge beside. How naïve you have been.

The moment the doctor ended this time of suppression is one of the clearest pictures you have. He lets your bubble burst with just one little prick.

"_Doctor Cameron. We've got your results." You gazed at the doctors – there were three of them this time and all of them showed the same serious expression. At this moment you knew alone from this that something was definitely off. This announcement didn't sound good._

"_You're suffering from an incomplete paraplegia. Your vertebral column is traumatized due to the crash. This trauma can heal but as a doctor you know that the chances are only slight."_

You still don't know exactly what happened afterwards. You remember snippets of a conversation. Something about training and not giving up. Something about how your life doesn't need to change completely and about how you should fight. These memories are blurred. You felt numb. They must have left your room at some point but you don't remember.

Since then, everything went down. You've spend the following four days in the clinic. They wanted to keep an eye on you and meant to help you to adjust to the situation, as they expressed it. How are you supposed to 'adjust' at all?

Chase has been by your side 24/7. He came as soon as he was discharged and since then he has only left to bring new clothes and a few essential supplies for both of you. He spent the nights on the chair next to your bed, he took you out of your room for lunch in the cafeteria or for a walk in the park and he tried everything to cheer you up.

He even tried to make you smile and managed it a few times – this was maybe the hardest part, making you smile.

Although he put up a good façade, as you tried to do as well, you could sometimes glance at something else, something deeper. The most outstanding emotion was guilt and this is still what you see when you make eye contact. He seems to feel guilty for your situation and you try to assure him every time that this isn't the case but you weren't able to convince him otherwise till now so you block this discussion most of the time. You can't deal with this right now.

When the aforesaid four days were over, everything got even worse. How that was even possible was something you still can't understand.

The way home was the first problem. Jesus, you've never been that afraid of something before. It took Chase fifteen minutes to convince you that you needed to get into the car to leave the hospital.

The ride home was horrible and when you arrived at your apartment you were even forced used the elevator for the first time since you moved in. That hurt. Finally inside your apartment, Chase helped you to lie down and totally exhausted as you were you fell asleep immediately.

The following days are blurred. Has there been any kind of routine established since then? You doubt it. You mostly sit at the window and gaze outside as you are right now. How many hours have passed like this? How many days…? You've lost track of time. You can't forget the pictures and your thoughts so you try to push them away by observing people but honestly, who thinks that that would help? They are walking around, shopping, laughing and driving around on their bikes – these are only additional things you won't do anymore, you notice.

A light knock at the door startles you out of your thoughts. Who is that? Chase has a key and you really don't want to see anyone. But what if it is important? - No, everything can wait. But what if someone needs your help? Maybe the old woman who's living next door?

You sigh and move your wheelchair to the apartment door hesitantly. There is another gentle knock on the door. Hopefully this is really important 'cause you actually don't want to see anyone if it's not absolutely necessary… or –more precisely- you don't want anyone to see you.

"I'm coming."

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><p>AN: I have no medical experience on this topic. I trust a German author and a German TV production plus the research I did with everything medically related to Cameron's state so if I'm wrong about anything, please tell me immediately!


	3. chapter 2

**A/N1:** I rewrote chapter 2 because I could only agree with the reviews I got: the story built up way too slow. I myself hated reading it, so how could you feel any different? I don't want people to stop reading this because it's completely boring so yeah… chapter 2.2 :) And I'm sorry for all of you who read the shitty chapter 2 and a special thanks to everyone who still reviewed. :) I hope you're still reading this story ~ Cathlyn

**A/N2:** English is still only my second language and this story goes still unbetaed so I'm really really sorry for every mistake you'll find. Feel free to tell me about them and I'll try to correct everything.

**Disclaimer:** everything to its rightful owners... the idea is mine, the rest isn't.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>

What brought you here? You don't know her, you notice and therefore you don't have a right to show up at her apartment.

You've only dealt with Cameron when House send you down to find a case; help out in the ER or simply to bother her. Most likely she won't be too thrilled to see you – especially when she's not feeling well.

You yourself hate seeing anyone whenever you're ill. You try to stay out of everyone's reach so that no-one sees you in a vulnerable state. What makes you think that she feels otherwise? She'll probably send you away as soon as she opens the door. Or she's asleep right now and won't open at all? You hopefully haven't woken her up, have you?

These thoughts cross your head within several seconds as you stand there and try to decide what to do. You can't just leave now, just in case she got up only to open the door. And maybe she needs anything?

You hear noises from the inside – so she's awake at least. No point in leaving now. But honestly, why did you come here to begin with? House, yeah. He told you to get some files from Cameron's 'cause Cuddy asked for them. Now that you think this over, it sounds weird. What could be this important?

„I'm coming. "

Well… now you _have_ to stay. And she doesn't sound that sick, you notice. Her voice isn't hoarse but only kind of tired.

The next moment, the door opens and you're cut short in your thoughts. To say that you are surprised would be an understatement. Shocked would be one as well.

"Do- Doctor Cameron. I'm sorry. I'm… I don't… I mean I didn't… I never meant to… I… "

You're stuttering but right now you aren't even aware of how you're making a fool out of yourself. How could this happen? This is not Cameron you're facing. Or she is... but she's not the woman you knew.

She's even thinner than she has been before. Her hair is stringy and the dark circles under her eyes are more present than after a horrible week in the ER. Her eyes are puffy and otherwise dead. You can't find the sparkle you usually saw when you spoke to her. The wheelchair she sits in only adds to this list of things you never connected with her.

"…- never should have expected everything else, should I?"

Her question gets your attention but you're only more confused. What is she talking about?

"Did you listen to me Thirteen?" Your gaze somehow must have been enough of an answer. "I said that you can go now and tell House that I would have expected more of him – only this time. Tomorrow the whole hospital will know about me – congratulations."

With that she moves away from the door and before you have even noticed what was happening, the door closes in front of your face. The bitterness and hatred in her voice is still in your ears and you stand there, frozen in place and unsure about what to do.

You should never have come here.

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><p>Some weeks later you are standing in the ER, waiting to hand in some charts. It's a slow night until now, but work is still though.<p>

Since Cuddy banned you permanently to the ER three weeks prior, you're working non-stop. At the beginning, it was torturing you. Jesus, you were so angry with her for doing this to you, for stealing your freetime and the possibility to have fun at the little bit of time you have possibly left.

This feeling was replaced by numbness one week later. Work wore you out. Your day consist of work, work, a nap, work, a coffee… and work again.

You haven't spent one evening out during the last week. You practically live in the on-call rooms or you crash at your place as soon as you're able to. It's torturing you. You can see time flowing by, time you have left, time you should spend having fun, but you can't. At least all the work you do is banning Cameron from your head.

The picture of her haunted you since you left her that evening. She seemed so fragile but there's nothing you can do – you know that. She sent you away as it was natural. Had you expected anything else? Most likely not. No – for sure you hadn't... but still...

At least you might get home tonight. This thought makes you smile as you leave the files with the nurse and head back to Cameron's office. There is still some paperwork that has to be done.

You switch on the lights and sigh – the room reminds you of her and you never get rid of the feeling that you're replacing her – although it's only temporary. You shake your head slightly as you sit at the table and start working on some charts – the least you can do is doing your work properly.

Hours later you are finished and while collecting your belongings your gaze falls on a picture of Cameron and Chase. Chase.. rumours say they broke up a week ago but you never got a hold of Chase to ask him yourself and honestly you're not sure what to believe...

He would have done anything for her but now he left her when she needed him the most? That sounds strange. You have a bad feeling about this but why.. that is something you can't put your finger on. You tell yourself it's none of your concern anyways. They are both adults, you remind yourself. They'll have their reasons and why are you interested anyways? Maybe it's not even true? You know neither of them and nobody expects something from you, you're telling yourself as you head out of the office and finally leave the hospital.

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><p>You gaze at your clock: it's nearly midnight and once again you thank God, or whoever might be up there, that the supermarkets are opened 247. You're just tired and near passing out but having noticed yesterday morning that there wasn't even coffee or orange juice left at your house (you couldn't bring yourself to use your booze as a breakfast although that might have given you at least some calories and energy to work with) and you had to leave your apartment without having eaten anything you decided it was time to stop by at the next decent place to buy food for the next week.

You're nearly alone in the market some corners away from your apartment. The only other people being inside are the employees and some college guys hanging around and loudly trying to decide which kind of alcohol the want to buy.

You're shutting them out while you're filling your shopping cart with juice, coffee, some stuff to fill up your personal liquor store (just in case you might get home early one night) and fast prepareable food. You're in some kind of trance, humming a song and basically thinking of nothing when a noise gets your attention and you snap back into focus.

"Shit! – Why? Stupid package."

This little curse sounds so defeated that you decide to take your stuff and look whether someone needs your help. You round the corner and stop in your tracks.

She sent you away last time and insisted on not needing any help but obviously she needs it now.

She looks worse than last time you saw her – thinner and from her composure you assume that she's even more tired. Her clothes are wrinkled, her hair is messy and her whole posture gives away that she's miserable – and you are only seeing her back. You want to respect her wishes, you really want to, but you can't see that she has problems and still let her struggle either.

"Doctor Cameron?" Her head snaps around and she fixes you with one icy glare. "What do you want Dr. Hadley?"

Well… you can't say 'It sounded like you need my help' , you're sure about that. Since you don't want her to freak out again you only nod in the direction of your shopping cart.

"I'm just doing some shopping here… trying to fill up my fridge, and you?"

Ignoring your questions she gazes at the content of your shopping cart. "Alcohol, juice, coffee and fast food? How very responsible of you." Great, you're trying to be nice and she is responding currishly anyways. You hold back a sarcastic answer and just shrug. "Seems like it."

She doesn't look at your face when she nods "Okay, then go on now."

You gaze at her, the package of cookies at the floor, the wheelchair and back at her face. She's staring at you and unsure what to do, you do nothing. You two are left in an uncomfortable silence in which you take in her appearance. Her cheeks are fallen in and the dark circles under her eyes are even more prominent today.

You sigh. She'll most likely kill you when you pick up her stuff.. but you can't leave her to deal with it alone either.

"Doctor Cameron, can I.. " – "No, don't you _dare_ ask whether I need help! I'm alright, everything is fine!"

You have seen this coming and you nod and take a step back. "Okay, I won't do anything. Let me just pick this up. We'll get the stuff you need and then I'll leave you alone as you wish, okay?"

She gazes at you and you see her inner conflict in her eyes. She gazes at the floor, up the storage rack and back at you. Minutes seem to pass by until she nods hesitantly. "Okay."

Her voice is barely audible but you sigh relieved and nod. "Okay." You pick up her cookies and then follow her without further comments as you finish her shopping together. It's not much she buys, you notice… but there's nothing you can do. You're glad she let's you help at all.

Outside the supermarket you hand her her bag which she lays down in her lap. It's near one in the morning and you're tired but seeing some drunken guys at the other side of the road you know that you can't go home just like that.

"I'll accompany you home, Doctor Cameron."

Before she has the chance to interrupt you go on. "I know you don't want me to, but I won't leave you alone on the streets with guys like those over there."

She follows your gaze before she looks back up at you.

"I'm fine! It's fine! Nothing will happen to me! You don't need to pity me! Jesus Doctor Hadley, just leave me alone! Go fuck some whore at a bar or whatever it is you do, but leave me alone! I don't need your extra attention and your pity!"

_That_ is what she is thinking? _That'_s her opinion of you? You're gazing at her in shock for one moment before you get yourself back together.

"Stop it Cameron." Your voice is cold as ice but it doesn't matter right now.

"Accompanying you home has nothing to do with your condition! I wouldn't let any woman I know and ca- " …care about. Do you care about her? No. You don't want to be the reason for her getting hurt and you'll try to prevent it, but is this 'caring'? Would you do this for everyone? The answer is – no, you wouldn't. Usually it doesn't matter but she's _Cameron_. She haunted your dreams and occupied your thoughts for some time now. So yes – maybe you _do_ care about her. But after her harsh words… she doesn't need to know that. "… I know and came across during night walk back home alone! Even if _you_ might not believe it, I'm better than _that!_ And now, come. I don't have all night. I still have some whores to fuck."

Okay, the last sentence really wasn't necessary, but what is she thinking? Treating you like that? Like a piece of shit?

The rest of the way is spent in uncomfortable silence. She sometimes takes a breath as if trying to speak up but not a single word comes over her lips. As you reach the house her apartment is in you don't meet her gaze and don't respond to her silent goodbye. You just wait until the door closes and you know she's safe before you leave.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N1:** I'm sorry everyone, but you have to **re-read chapter 2 [!]** to get this one. I re-wrote it after noticing how badly written and slow it was so there is now stuff going on in chapter 2 that you should know in order to being able to understand chapter 3.  
>Another way to interpret this would be : <strong>you just got two new chapters instead of one!<strong> My present for all of you and also a present to myself ;)

**A/N2:** And still English is only my second language and this goes still unbetaed so yeah... I'm sorry.

**Disclaimer:** the ideas are mine, the rest still isn't. :(

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 <strong>

You sit in the middle of your room, staring at the crumpled piece of paper in your hand. Your phone lies on your lap while your internal debate from the last four days goes on. Write or call her? Or doing neither?

You remember your harsh words clearly. Why did you insult her like this? That wasn't you. Of course she was annoying you (Why did she have to show up at the supermarket? You went there _during the night_ for a goddamn reason!) – but still…

You turn the paper around and re-read the words that are hastily scribbled on the backside of an old sales slip.

_I know that you don't want help and that pity is the last thing you need but whenever there is something I can do to make things easier for you, call me. ~ Thirteen_

There is a phone number written under the note and you know this number by heart, now. You were always shortly before calling her when you chickened out and deleted her number from your screen.

She most likely only felt obligated to give you her number anyways and after your little insulting speech you are sure that a call from you is the last thing she wants.. but still you feel the urge to apologize.. Especially since you found the note in between your cookies and a cartoon of juice...

You sigh and decide to just get over with it. A short message won't hurt you and it will at least erase a part of the guilt you feel.

_Doctor Hadley. I'm sorry for my harsh words the other night. I don't know what got over me, I wasn't myself. I hope you forgive me. And thank you for your help. ~ Cameron _

Satisfied with yourself, you lay your phone down at a table. You feeling miserable does not mean that you can make others feel terrible as well.

You sigh. What can you do now? Debating about what to do with Thirteen did at least occupy your mind but now there's nothing to do but to wait. Wait for what?

Since you broke up with Chase, you're alone. Completely alone. He was too much. He was all over you. He was everywhere… but now there's nothing. Not one sound in your apartment. No one to talk or to listen to. There's nothing to do… or things that shouldn't be done can't be done by you anymore.

You'd need to clean your apartment but how are you supposed to do this? It doesn't matter anyways. Nothing does.

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><p>You're watching TV when a soft knock at the door startles you. Who is that supposed to be? You don't get visitors anymore so you decide to ignore whoever might be out there. He or she will go away soon enough.<p>

"Doctor Cameron? Are you at home? It's Thirteen"

Why is she everywhere now? Why does she always show up? Thirteen's voice is soft and she speaks hesitantly but she doesn't seem to feel the need to leave.

"I have some of your stuff. It was put in the wrong bag back at the shop and since you already didn't buy that much I thought you might need these things…"

Silence.

"You know... I worked really hard today to prevent House and the guys from eating them so…"

You hear her soft laugh that follows her words through your closed door. Then it's silence again. The reminder of your old job gets to you but this feeling stays for only some seconds before the indifference dominates you again.

"… Cameron. I know that you're in there. I can hear you..."

She's persistent. But why does it matter? She's Thirteen, to cry out loud.

"… do you want me to leave the stuff in front of your door or are you going to open so that I can at least bring it to your kitchen? You know... the first option would be kind of weird but I can leave if you want me to... "

And even more silence. You know that she hasn't left. She's still waiting, but why? You two aren't close – hell, you don't even know each other. She's Thirteen – she's mysterious, clever, enigmatic and a good doctor. Still she's doing drugs, is drinking and partying hard - that's what you know about her for sure... the rest is only speculation.

"… Cameron, come on. Answer me at least. I don't have forever!"

Well yeah, at least she has something to do, you notice angrily. 'But it's not her fault. It's not her you're angry at…' a little voice states in your mind but you shake your head to get rid of these thoughts.

With a sigh you decide to open the door – she won't leave anyways… or worse – she might come back just to 'make sure you're okay'.

The moment you open the door she's nearly falling into your apartment - she must have leaned at your door… a stupid decision unless she was certain that this door would _never_ be opened while she was still here. Her startled expression brings a short laugh over your lips until, just seconds later, you remember why she's at your door to begin with.

The smile falls from your lips as you make place for her to enter your apartment – not the best idea ever, you notice the moment you can't force her to leave anymore. Definitely neither the best idea nor one of your brightest moments since your plan was to keep up the façade of the woman who's handling everything with grace.

_Plus_, you notice when the door falls shut – now that she's inside there is _no way _that your words and apology won't come up and honestly… you don't want to have to deal with that on top of everything else.

Great. Just great. You stay in the hall for some minutes to collect your thoughts before you follow her into the kitchen, a fake smile on your lips.


End file.
